It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt. I swear to god it doesn’t hurt.
hey you kids wanna buy some drugs
basically the first interaction between humans and a snake ever
#bible jokes#yo check out this knowledge fruit#it’ll totally be the best thing ever#he wants to lead you down the path to righteousness#i’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks#snake (via vantasticmess)
MOVIE ABOUT A PERSON WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH DEATH AND CONTINUOUSLY COMMITS MURDER IN ORDER TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM UNTIL DEATH IS FINALLY LIKE “YOU ARE MAKING MY JOB SO MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT NEEDS TO BE LETS JUST GO OUT FOR A COFFEE OR SOMETHING JESUS FUCK”
This is a Deadpool story arc
OH MY GOSH HE ASKED FOR A HUG AND HIS BUDDY CAME RUNNING IM GONNA CRY
tumblr has defiled my sense of humor and now I’m on this new tier of humor that no one in real life understands
after my procedure at the hospital today my doctor tried to explain all of the medications he’s putting me on and i was kind of out of it on pain meds and he goes, “and i’m going to be putting you on some serious steroids, do you have any problems with that?”
and apparently i looked at my mom and whispered, “i’ll never play major league baseball” and started crying
bringing this back because important
"I hate that guy so much he makes my dick cold"
Patient who arrived at the hospital with symptoms of pneumonia is given an x-ray, only to discover his neck is full of needles. The patient is a heroin addict who would shoot up into his neck, he would then pass out or fall asleep and the needles would break off into his neck
Jesus fucking christ. This is scary but interesting.